Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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