the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
