you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
