I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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