We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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