Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
