The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
