Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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