Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
