This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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