Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
