Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
