the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
