i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
