ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress