He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
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My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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