My first STD was from a foam party
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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