i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
did i walk over a car last night?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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