And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
