so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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