By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
