Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
