i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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