Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
