So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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