Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
