I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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