I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
