just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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