I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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