I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
