The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
