so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just cropdusted the office
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"