He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
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Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.