Texts From Last Night

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  (904): View more from Florida

  There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?

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  (904): There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it? http://tfl.nu/a6bf
  Replies (92) Good night (2648) Bad night (3380)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.

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  (484): We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision. http://tfl.nu/lzhl
  Replies (18) Good night (1304) Bad night (3823)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.

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  (770): separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles. http://tfl.nu/p09d
  Replies (36) Good night (6412) Bad night (906)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.

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  (815): Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites. http://tfl.nu/zd6b
  Replies (27) Good night (1481) Bad night (5205)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon

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  (708): I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon http://tfl.nu/l3g6
  Replies (2) Good night (1230) Bad night (653)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore

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  (910): He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore http://tfl.nu/tias
  Replies (6) Good night (1199) Bad night (1423)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.

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  (270): Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer. http://tfl.nu/zy1n
  Replies (5) Good night (1630) Bad night (1340)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing

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  (269): he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing http://tfl.nu/dbp3
  Replies (6) Good night (1419) Bad night (2634)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.

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  (813): I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity. http://tfl.nu/otkw
  Replies (5) Good night (1427) Bad night (900)
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  (408): View more from California

  Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.

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  (408): Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA. http://tfl.nu/jstd
  Replies (3) Good night (669) Bad night (385)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"

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  (403): I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!" http://tfl.nu/cbkk
  Replies (0) Good night (624) Bad night (647)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.

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  (940): I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer. http://tfl.nu/cak3
  Replies (3) Good night (881) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?

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  (760): I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band? http://tfl.nu/934v
  Replies (5) Good night (1050) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?

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  (606): Did you put candle wax on my balls last night? http://tfl.nu/epi2
  Replies (1) Good night (370) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.

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  (647): All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you. http://tfl.nu/e1gz
  Replies (4) Good night (317) Bad night (268)

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