I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
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this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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