Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.