I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.