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So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
foreskin is a definite game changer
We left the knife in your bed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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