Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
