Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush

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(859): I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush http://tfl.nu/5sx8

Replies (33) Good night (902) Bad night (1816)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.

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(513): I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace. http://tfl.nu/1kl9

Replies (27) Good night (643) Bad night (2318)
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(970): View more from Colorado

we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome

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(970): we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome http://tfl.nu/ziv6

Replies (32) Good night (665) Bad night (9148)
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(315): View more from New York

just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again

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(315): just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again http://tfl.nu/dkz6

Replies (15) Good night (1047) Bad night (3831)
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(925): View more from California

He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.

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(925): He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there. http://tfl.nu/tyej

Replies (14) Good night (4012) Bad night (874)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.

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(508): she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it. http://tfl.nu/mcxs

Replies (38) Good night (1568) Bad night (7176)
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(425): View more from Washington

Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me

(1-425): View more from Washington

Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.

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(425): Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me (1-425): Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about. http://tfl.nu/mflc

Replies (39) Good night (2376) Bad night (4939)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.

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(701): He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon. http://tfl.nu/hvqj

Replies (5) Good night (1552) Bad night (726)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?

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(217): Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people? http://tfl.nu/sask

Replies (4) Good night (654) Bad night (1755)
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(419): View more from Ohio

PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.

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(419): PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me. http://tfl.nu/iheo

Replies (1) Good night (1945) Bad night (543)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest

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(612): Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest http://tfl.nu/v0jn

Replies (4) Good night (764) Bad night (528)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"

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(603): i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys" http://tfl.nu/5hh5

Replies (5) Good night (516) Bad night (842)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.

(919): View more from North Carolina

It's a mixed blessing.

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(919): Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day. (1-919): I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover. (919): It's a mixed blessing. http://tfl.nu/jmyr

Replies (10) Good night (1557) Bad night (416)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.

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(248): Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke. http://tfl.nu/wb76

Replies (6) Good night (424) Bad night (1212)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.

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(604): My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me. http://tfl.nu/tvzh

Replies (3) Good night (1042) Bad night (502)

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