my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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