the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
