So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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