You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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