Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
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To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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