I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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