Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
