If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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