They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
