I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
