so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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