it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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