Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
