Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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