I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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