I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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