it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The beer is more important than you right now.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
