Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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