well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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