I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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