can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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