I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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