Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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