All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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