does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
