Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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