Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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