This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
