thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
