Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
