just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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