i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
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i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
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It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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