i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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