6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
