in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
